Well meaning advice

It's the end of a massively tricky week. I'm frustrated that I've been so down this week, especially since I thought I was doing so well.

My parents came to stay this weekend, they've just left for home. 

They recognised that I've been having a bad week and helped me clear all of my things out of my classroom ready for the end of my contract in a few days time.

The only purpose of this post today, really, is to rant! I love that so many people care about me and I do appreciate and understand that. Everyone wants to see me better and has my best interests at heart.  What I do find tricky is all of the well meaning advice. 'You need to exercise', 'you need to eat more lentils and seesds', 'staying home all day WILL make you depressed', 'perhaps you were ill, but now you need to go and do something,'

What's the polite way of saying 'I know you're trying to help and give me advice, but don't!'

I've heard the same advice over and over from different people.  The problem is, most of the advice is conflicting. When I don't follow the exact piece of advice that someone gives me, do they then think that I'm not doing enough to get myself better?

It's my view that I'm doing everything I can to get myself back to 100%. Living with depression is a miserable existence.  I've got so much to be grateful for, and I genuinely am grateful for my life.  Depression just seems to suck away all of my enthusiasm.  I don't want to change my life, I like my life. I just want to feel more optimistic again, less dark.

I'm cross. I'm ranting.  I'm rambling. I just want all of this to go away, and that includes all of the well meaning advice that everyone feels entitled to give me! If I'd broken my leg people wouldn't interfere so much!

Sorry for my rant, promise I'll be more positive tomorrow! :)

sr x

Shadow makes an appearance

That shadow that lurks.....it's on the back of my mind. It's like a rain cloud on the horizon. It's back.

This is my third day and I'm beginning to despair.

I need to be free of this shadow that hangs over me.

I'm struggling to write this. I keep zoning out. I keep wanting to stop. I simply want to curl up in bed.

Tomorrow will be better, hopefully this afternoon will be better.  I have to keep telling myself this. I have to work hard to keep up the desire to fight.

Sometimes it just feels too much effort. Today is one of those days.

I get angry and frustrated with myself. Why is this happening to me?

The doctor reminds me that some people can get depression due to genetic reasons. I like my life. I am happy with the direction things are going. I wouldn't change anything. So what is it that has made me feel so empty and low?

The easy answer would be to change the things you don't like for things that you do like. But honestly and genuinely I would change nothing.

Tomorrow, I promise, will be better.

sr