Is there really an answer?

I was browsing through the news websites this morning when I came across this article.

Do you REALLY need antidepressants?

It was quite interesting but unfortunately brief.  Scientists have been analysing brain activity of people who are suffering from depression to determine whether medication or CBT is going to help.

I had a conversation with my doctor the other day asking him about other alternatives to taking medication.  He assured me that if there were anything that was more effective than taking antidepressants then he'd prescribe that.

They say that keeping active, taking exercise, etc helps to heal the mind. Surely on that basis I could get away with not taking my medication?

I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to stay off work. I don't have a job. I have the freedom to do what I need to do to support my recovery.  Why should medication be used to mask any negative feelings people have about their lives? I personally really like my life, I have nothing to hide from and don't want to change anything. I only want to start working towards getting better by volunteering and eventually going back to work.

I'm seeing the doctor on Tuesday and I'm going to have a serious conversation with him about coming off the medication. Who knows....he may just agree. More likely though he'll tell me that it's important to stay on the medication. I do trust my doctor. He's guided me through this whole illness.  Does he necessarily know best over all of the other experts discussing different theories?

My guess is no one truly knows what the most effective solution is.  This modern illness is not good, not healthy. No one really knows what causes it and how to cure it. We can only take a stab in the dark.

sr
x

Volunteering

I went away over the weekend to visit my family in N. Devon. I had a lovely time catching up with everybody and thoroughly enjoyed myself.  The annoying thing is that I managed to forget to take my tablets with me!

I'm back home now and have started taking them again but the result is that I have been left exhausted.  Whether or not it's because I've started taking the tablets again after a gap or the fact that I stopped taking them I do not know.  I've been taking naps during the day to combat the tiredness which over the last six months I've tried to avoid.  There's no way I want to mess up my sleep pattern by beginning to sleep during the day and be awake at night.

I was disappointed that I couldn't work in the nursing home for younger people. I am now beginning to look at other options. The do-it website has loads of volunteering opportunities and I've applied for a few which I think may be interesting.  A local care home for elderly people is looking for someone to read the newspapers to people with sight difficulties, a toddler group is after a person to help set up and tidy away (general help) and there is an adult learning centre looking for some type of teaching assistant.

I thought these sounded right up my alley so I've applied and hope to hear back next week.  It'll feel good to be doing something positive with my life and I'll have to see how it goes. I've been warned not to take too much on board but I figure a couple of hours for roughly 3x mornings a week might serve me well.

I'll keep you updated
sr x

Mortality is a very real issue

Yesterday I had an appointment at a nursing home to begin to think about doing some volunteering.  It was a stunning place especially for young adults with a genetic condition that limits their life.  The residents have to be 16 to come and live in the home and most will have died by the time they get to their mid twenties.

I so desperately want to volunteer at this place.  They are looking for volunteers who can come and befriend a few of the residents and enjoy a range of activities with them; whether it be watching a film, reading a book or having a go on the drums. 

It's so frustrating that I can't be of help. I need to consider my own fragile state.  The lady that gave me a tour said she can't guarantee that every visit will be a good one because residents may be agitated, in pain or just unwell.  While this is perfectly understandable and forgivable I need to be selfish in this decision.  It only takes a small hiccup to send me into a downward spiral.  Can I afford to put myself in a situation which could cause such a consequence?

Tough times ahead,

sr x

Onwards and upwards

I went to the doctors yesterday, felt really good to have a positive appointment.  This is the first time I've been allowed to go two months without a doctors appointment.  I can't believe that he said it! I'm so used to him saying 'I'll see you in two weeks/one month'. This time he said....

'If you keep doing as well as you're doing I'll see you in TWO MONTHS'

Finally I don't need monitoring.  Finally I'm not considered vulnerable. Finally I'm functioning as a (nearly) normal human being!

I've still got my on-going sick note. I'm signed off till the end of the month, but that's it.  I'll be allowed to work again then!

I've rung a care home for younger people asking if they need some help of a volunteer with their craft and cooking activities and am beginning to pull together some ideas for starting my own business.  I know I'm a bit crazy starting to think through these things but I can do it at my own pace and do as much as I feel healthy to do. 

Good news day!
sr x

Making a plan of action

I feel proud. I've done well. Six months in to recovery and I'm now ready to take the next step forward.

I hate what this illness has done to my confidence. I don't understand things that I used to. I'm more emotionally fragile and my cognitive functions are basically impaired. It's my memory that's probably the most annoying. Probably that or the fact that I don't seem to think things through any more.

It's odd.

Anyway....

Now it's time to get back to normal.

The other half said something interesting the other day. He said he didn't want to start feeling like he's providing for me and I'm sitting on my bum all day doing nothing.  He has a valid point. If he'd have said that 4 weeks ago I would have disagreed. As it stands today, I need to start doing more.

Here's the plan that we've hashed out.

1. I take over all housework (treat it like a part time job).
2. Do some volunteering, share housework.
3. Do some volunteering, I do all housework.
4. Part time volunteering, part time work, share housework.
5. Full time work, share housework.

It'll be a chronological sequence taking as long as I need for each step to build myself back up to full time work.

This thing is a bit of an unknown entity. I don't know anyone who has been this ill with depression and the doctor said I will get to a point where I'm coping with my daily routine but won't yet be ready for more.  This will be a good way to test the bounaries and keep moving my recovery forwards.

I'm happy with this as I know I'll be making progress and my partner will be happy because he knows I'm still working to help myself!

Now let's just see how it goes!

sr x