I went to the doctors yesterday, felt really good to have a positive appointment. This is the first time I've been allowed to go two months without a doctors appointment. I can't believe that he said it! I'm so used to him saying 'I'll see you in two weeks/one month'. This time he said....
'If you keep doing as well as you're doing I'll see you in TWO MONTHS'
Finally I don't need monitoring. Finally I'm not considered vulnerable. Finally I'm functioning as a (nearly) normal human being!
I've still got my on-going sick note. I'm signed off till the end of the month, but that's it. I'll be allowed to work again then!
I've rung a care home for younger people asking if they need some help of a volunteer with their craft and cooking activities and am beginning to pull together some ideas for starting my own business. I know I'm a bit crazy starting to think through these things but I can do it at my own pace and do as much as I feel healthy to do.
Good news day!
sr x
Showing posts with label positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positive. Show all posts
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Monday, 10 June 2013
Liberation comes
I've just come back to a well needed holiday in The Lake District. It was beautiful. There's something about the power of nature that just restores you. It seems to energise you and make you feel at peace with yourself.
The size of the hills, the constant water flow; I don't know, it just makes you feel insignificant. To me, that's comforting. It makes me realise how unimportant I am to the functioning of the world as a whole and that no matter what I do, everything will be ok.
I guess it's a kind of strange logic. Reading back what I've just written almost seems depressing in itself. It's not though. I'm not making any self-depreciating remarks or wallowing in self-pity. Yes, I do have the responsibility to make the most of my life, contribute what I can and enjoy my time on this earth. Also, though, I don't matter. I don't need to take a great lump of responsibility because no matter what I do, whether it be good or bad, the world won't end.
It's my duty to do the very best I can with my life, but if I don't? It's not really a major problem.
Philosophical? Yes. Liberating? Definately.
sr xx
The size of the hills, the constant water flow; I don't know, it just makes you feel insignificant. To me, that's comforting. It makes me realise how unimportant I am to the functioning of the world as a whole and that no matter what I do, everything will be ok.
I guess it's a kind of strange logic. Reading back what I've just written almost seems depressing in itself. It's not though. I'm not making any self-depreciating remarks or wallowing in self-pity. Yes, I do have the responsibility to make the most of my life, contribute what I can and enjoy my time on this earth. Also, though, I don't matter. I don't need to take a great lump of responsibility because no matter what I do, whether it be good or bad, the world won't end.
It's my duty to do the very best I can with my life, but if I don't? It's not really a major problem.
Philosophical? Yes. Liberating? Definately.
sr xx
Friday, 31 May 2013
Poisonous relationships
This is where things get a little more controversial. A little more personal. I will be careful how I word this post and what information I include.
This is an anonymous blog. Very few of my friends know that I am writing this, even most of those friends don't have the details to be able to search me out and read this blog. I can't say why, I don't think there is a massive reason. I suppose depression is a very personal thing. The beast that is depression is entirely your own animal. You can do with it what you will. Most people don't see it, can't see it. If they do see it, they don't have the capacity to get you through it. Part of it isolates you because people find that they don't know how to deal with you and the other part puts you on your own because it makes it harder for you to relate to other people. It works both ways.
I'm very lucky. I have a few people who I hold dearly. Even if I don't see them each week I am in regular and semi-regular contact through email, facebook, texts, phone calls and random cups of tea or offers to meet for lunch. Many of my friends have dropped off the radar. I suppose they would be more acquaintances.
These are not the relationships that I have in mind though. I'm thinking of those people that undermine you by suggesting that you are at fault somewhere for having depression. Maybe they will undermine things that you do. For example, I was struggling through cooking a roast dinner, of which I'm perfectly capable of achieving. Cooking for six, however, at this point was getting me in a slight muddle. This person took over and began to dish up the dinner for me and basically took over. I felt a little put out as over the meal, it was pointed out that most of the vegetables had been bought ready prepared and that she'd prepared the cabbage. Ok, granted, this is true, but it didn't need to be said to my guests.
I guess what I'm trying to point out is that some relationships are positive. They enhance you some how. They are healthy, thriving friendships. Other relationships may be more destructive. They have the ability to make you feel like a child, need to justify your actions and without you realising it can generally make you feel a little crummy.
This post is making me consider what the solution is to mend these relationships, to mould them into something that contributes to your life and enhances it, rather than sucking away your life energy.
How do you do this subtly without hurting anyone? Do you have to cut them out of your life. I dearly love the people around me and even these poisonous relationships are mostly positive, engaging and enjoyable. What do you do when the very people who are not good for you are your family members?
This needs more thought. I will try to steer any tricky conversations into more positive and light-hearted territories. Maybe these people need never know what I feel and that I am attempting to adapt our time together to something that makes me feel better about myself rather than worse.
I'd love to know your thoughts,
sr x
This is an anonymous blog. Very few of my friends know that I am writing this, even most of those friends don't have the details to be able to search me out and read this blog. I can't say why, I don't think there is a massive reason. I suppose depression is a very personal thing. The beast that is depression is entirely your own animal. You can do with it what you will. Most people don't see it, can't see it. If they do see it, they don't have the capacity to get you through it. Part of it isolates you because people find that they don't know how to deal with you and the other part puts you on your own because it makes it harder for you to relate to other people. It works both ways.
I'm very lucky. I have a few people who I hold dearly. Even if I don't see them each week I am in regular and semi-regular contact through email, facebook, texts, phone calls and random cups of tea or offers to meet for lunch. Many of my friends have dropped off the radar. I suppose they would be more acquaintances.
These are not the relationships that I have in mind though. I'm thinking of those people that undermine you by suggesting that you are at fault somewhere for having depression. Maybe they will undermine things that you do. For example, I was struggling through cooking a roast dinner, of which I'm perfectly capable of achieving. Cooking for six, however, at this point was getting me in a slight muddle. This person took over and began to dish up the dinner for me and basically took over. I felt a little put out as over the meal, it was pointed out that most of the vegetables had been bought ready prepared and that she'd prepared the cabbage. Ok, granted, this is true, but it didn't need to be said to my guests.
I guess what I'm trying to point out is that some relationships are positive. They enhance you some how. They are healthy, thriving friendships. Other relationships may be more destructive. They have the ability to make you feel like a child, need to justify your actions and without you realising it can generally make you feel a little crummy.
This post is making me consider what the solution is to mend these relationships, to mould them into something that contributes to your life and enhances it, rather than sucking away your life energy.
How do you do this subtly without hurting anyone? Do you have to cut them out of your life. I dearly love the people around me and even these poisonous relationships are mostly positive, engaging and enjoyable. What do you do when the very people who are not good for you are your family members?
This needs more thought. I will try to steer any tricky conversations into more positive and light-hearted territories. Maybe these people need never know what I feel and that I am attempting to adapt our time together to something that makes me feel better about myself rather than worse.
I'd love to know your thoughts,
sr x
Wednesday, 29 May 2013
CBT
Counselling was interesting. I still am not convinced that it's proving very useful, she didn't seem to pick up and take forward the things I said I wanted to discuss or explore.
I'm holding fire though, it may still prove to be a positive and enlightening experience.
So at the end of this session I had the word 'CBT' introduced to me.
CBT, or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as I understand it, is a training that you go through to switch your brain away from a pattern of negative thoughts.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I honestly believe I don't have a negative thought pattern. I might have to go back and read over my blog to work out whether it is, indeed, largely positive or negative. I'm pretty sure I have a positive, pro-active attitude and that although things do bother me, I try to discuss things before they become an issue. For example, a slight disagreement about who's doing what housework; if discussed and a plan of action is agreed upon, it surely no longer needs to be a problem.
My homework from counselling is to write down three scenarios that happen to me. I have to write down what I think and what I feel. This seems relatively simple to start with. I then have to bring the sheet back with me and we will discuss what thoughts I could have had about those situations which were more positive.
I will be sure to think about this carefully as I go through the next two weeks. I'll ask my partner to be on the look out for any negative comments of mine that I can use as an example. I assume that CBT is to make you more aware of those negative thoughts. It can be entirely plausible that I am a negative person or have a negative thought pattern but that I'm just simply not aware of it.
The Mind website, a mental health website to support people with their mental health has some information on CBT. I can understand how it should and will work, I'm simply still not sure that it feels relevant. We'll soon see I guess. I'm willing to try anything to support myself and get myself better.
sr x
I'm holding fire though, it may still prove to be a positive and enlightening experience.
So at the end of this session I had the word 'CBT' introduced to me.
CBT, or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, as I understand it, is a training that you go through to switch your brain away from a pattern of negative thoughts.
Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I honestly believe I don't have a negative thought pattern. I might have to go back and read over my blog to work out whether it is, indeed, largely positive or negative. I'm pretty sure I have a positive, pro-active attitude and that although things do bother me, I try to discuss things before they become an issue. For example, a slight disagreement about who's doing what housework; if discussed and a plan of action is agreed upon, it surely no longer needs to be a problem.
My homework from counselling is to write down three scenarios that happen to me. I have to write down what I think and what I feel. This seems relatively simple to start with. I then have to bring the sheet back with me and we will discuss what thoughts I could have had about those situations which were more positive.
I will be sure to think about this carefully as I go through the next two weeks. I'll ask my partner to be on the look out for any negative comments of mine that I can use as an example. I assume that CBT is to make you more aware of those negative thoughts. It can be entirely plausible that I am a negative person or have a negative thought pattern but that I'm just simply not aware of it.
The Mind website, a mental health website to support people with their mental health has some information on CBT. I can understand how it should and will work, I'm simply still not sure that it feels relevant. We'll soon see I guess. I'm willing to try anything to support myself and get myself better.
sr x
Monday, 27 May 2013
The sun has got his hat on
It is such a beautiful day. What is it about beautiful days that automatically make you feel better? I know that vitamin D is the 'feel good' chemical and releases serotonin which in turn makes you feel good? Walking in beautiful sunshine, gorgeous blue sky just lifts all feeling of depression.
It's almost a case of 'what can possibly go wrong?' when it's a lovely day. This is deceptive though. Lots can go wrong. But not for me. Not today.
The shadow has lifted again. What a frustrating few days it's been. I didn't think this dark period would ever end. How long was it? 5 days? I'm not sure. It makes you wonder what's the point, will this end, how can I achieve this mammoth task of rebuilding my life?
Then all of a sudden, I'm out the other side. The shadow recedes. That's it. It's over again. For now.
Every time I move back into 'the light', back to 'being normal' I hope that the shadow will never return. I keep being told that I must hold the positive times to help me through the difficult periods.
Hopefully both literally and metaphorically the sun will keep his hat on! Literally, the lovely weather definitely helps matters. Metaphorically, if the sun is out the shadow won't take control, it'll only lurk.
Positive day, here's to more!
sr x
It's almost a case of 'what can possibly go wrong?' when it's a lovely day. This is deceptive though. Lots can go wrong. But not for me. Not today.
The shadow has lifted again. What a frustrating few days it's been. I didn't think this dark period would ever end. How long was it? 5 days? I'm not sure. It makes you wonder what's the point, will this end, how can I achieve this mammoth task of rebuilding my life?
Then all of a sudden, I'm out the other side. The shadow recedes. That's it. It's over again. For now.
Every time I move back into 'the light', back to 'being normal' I hope that the shadow will never return. I keep being told that I must hold the positive times to help me through the difficult periods.
Hopefully both literally and metaphorically the sun will keep his hat on! Literally, the lovely weather definitely helps matters. Metaphorically, if the sun is out the shadow won't take control, it'll only lurk.
Positive day, here's to more!
sr x
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