So where do I go from now? I guess that's just it. Does this blog really have to go anywhere? Surely the motivation of writing this blog is to help me get better so as long as that's what's happening it doesn't really matter what direction this thing takes.
This morning I had a look at my very first blog post. It was written on 13th May. That seems like an eternity ago. I can't imagine what I was like then. How did I even manage to get through the day?
At the time it was written I said that I was 'beginning to pull myself together.' And now? Well I think I am pretty much all in one piece. Finally. I'm feeling like myself again. I'm smiling, laughing, joking and generally going about my life without the weight of the world on my shoulders. The noose is no longer (metaphorically) around my neck and life is feeling good.
I'm excited to see what the future holds and am beginning to make plans. I'm hoping that within the next 18 months my partner and I will get married and I'm so very much looking forward to starting a family. The main thing preventing these massive events in my life is my mental health.
My partner tells me that he wants me to be truly better before we plan a wedding because he doesn't want me to regret the decision or take the plunge because of my illness. I argue that we can crack on despite the depression but I suppose he needs the confidence to know that I won't take another massive dip. I'm not really sure I can give him that guarantee though.
In May, I wrote about the purpose of my blog;
"It could help me track my mood and take control of this beast."
I think this highlights my progress. I have more control of this beast. It's still with me, but now maybe the shadow is the one in chains rather than me! At least no matter how many backward steps I'm taking I am still ultimately heading in a forward motion!
sr x
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