I've got my next counselling appointment on Tuesday. That'll be number 3 out of 4 sessions. I'm going to give this CBT a go.
I'm currently lying in bed, moping....well, I was moping, but now I've decided that I'm going to bash out my thoughts on my blog in a hope that I can turn these negative thoughts into more positive and productive thoughts.
The last few days I've had a lot going on. My puppy was castrated, he bit me (twice), I've had a really bitchy text message from a former lodger, my puppy got attacked, my puppy has had a blood test which has come back saying he has liver damage, a rejection from my other half and my mum gave some really bad advice!!!
Looking at this list and then analysing how I feel actually makes me feel a little pathetic. All of the negative feelings I am going through related to these minor incidents are all unnecessary. I should shrug it all of and just crack on with my day.
Now time to turn these thoughts in to positive thoughts.
Being bitten.....he was in pain, he was hungry, he is still a well natured dog. Ok, so I need to think through the action I'm going to take. Once his cone is off (in 7 days) I will up the level of training I do with him to reinforce who's boss. He is generally obedient and I know that with work, that will continue. Now how do I feel about it? It's not such a problem when I look at the reasons why it happened. I can still feel proud of the training I've done with him and it's a work in progress.
He got bitten. I was shocked. He didn't provoke it. Positive - he wasn't hurt and doesn't really seem all that bothered. Therefore, not a problem. Easy. All I need to do is make sure he has chance to say hello to some other dogs on his walk later.
The advice from my Mum. She seems to think that my friend who is staying with me (he's decorating my house) is treading on my partners toes. I know for a fact that this isn't the truth because I asked. She said "take it from someone who knows". She's been in that situation before but then my relationships aren't like hers. I like to think that I have a strong relationship with my other half and that he'd tell me if there was an issue. Maybe I'll ring her and tell her that. Actually, on second thoughts, that might not be productive because she probably brushed her comments off as insignificant so she'll wonder why I was dwelling on what she said.
The text message, I think, is the major upset. I've offered a piece of furniture to the girl who's just moved out and asked her if she was going to come and pick it up. I also asked her why she didn't tell us that her blind was broken and that she burnt the carpet with the iron. The iron damage was particularly annoying because it ruined two of my partners work shirts and we had to buy a new iron as a result of it. I do feel that the text was non-confrontational. I also asked her what she wanted me to do with her post. She asked that I forwarded it and that I only ever text her regarding her post and not to contact her again. I do think that her response was unnecessary but then again, I need to think about the reasons why she responded as she did. I probably made her feel defensive when asking her about the damage in the room, because after all, it's our house and our things. A text is also quite hard to read in to so she may have thought the tone of my text was more accusational or aggressive than it was intended to be. She has moved out now and I don't have to deal with her again. We only ever use the room for a lodger to stay in and had already been intending to replace the blinds with curtains anyway. The curtains have, in fact, already been put up.
Strangely enough, thinking these incidents through logically and writing down my rambling monologue seems to have helped. I guess it's the process of going through the incidents and churning them over. These things that get on top of my can be shrugged off with a little thought. It seems that with this illness I don't think about the things, I just allow them to push me in to a pit of despair.
I actually now feel ready to drag my backside out of bed and confront the world. It's not as bad as it seems. Funnily enough, I feel so much more positive and that the weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Maybe this CBT malarkey actually works!!!
sr x
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