Poisonous relationships

This is where things get a little more controversial.  A little more personal.  I will be careful how I word this post and what information I include.

This is an anonymous blog.  Very few of my friends know that I am writing this, even most of those friends don't have the details to be able to search me out and read this blog.  I can't say why, I don't think there is a massive reason.  I suppose depression is a very personal thing.  The beast that is depression is entirely your own animal.  You can do with it what you will.  Most people don't see it, can't see it.  If they do see it, they don't have the capacity to get you through it.  Part of it isolates you because people find that they don't know how to deal with you and the other part puts you on your own because it makes it harder for you to relate to other people.  It works both ways.

I'm very lucky.  I have a few people who I hold dearly.  Even if I don't see them each week I am in regular and semi-regular contact through email, facebook, texts, phone calls and random cups of tea or offers to meet for lunch.  Many of my friends have dropped off the radar.  I suppose they would be more acquaintances.

These are not the relationships that I have in mind though.  I'm thinking of those people that undermine you by suggesting that you are at fault somewhere for having depression.  Maybe they will undermine things that you do.  For example, I was struggling through cooking a roast dinner, of which I'm perfectly capable of achieving.  Cooking for six, however, at this point was getting me in a slight muddle.  This person took over and began to dish up the dinner for me and basically took over.  I felt a little put out as over the meal, it was pointed out that most of the vegetables had been bought ready prepared and that she'd prepared the cabbage.  Ok, granted, this is true, but it didn't need to be said to my guests.

I guess what I'm trying to point out is that some relationships are positive. They enhance you some how.  They are healthy, thriving friendships.  Other relationships may be more destructive.  They have the ability to make you feel like a child, need to justify your actions and without you realising it can generally make you feel a little crummy. 

This post is making me consider what the solution is to mend these relationships, to mould them into something that contributes to your life and enhances it, rather than sucking away your life energy.

How do you do this subtly without hurting anyone? Do you have to cut them out of your life.  I dearly love the people around me and even these poisonous relationships are mostly positive, engaging and enjoyable.  What do you do when the very people who are not good for you are your family members?

This needs more thought.  I will try to steer any tricky conversations into more positive and light-hearted territories.  Maybe these people need never know what I feel and that I am attempting to adapt our time together to something that makes me feel better about myself rather than worse.

I'd love to know your thoughts,

sr x